Mummy Guilt

Oh Mummy Guilt, its a mean and fickle thing and when it hits it hits hard.  I suffer from mummy guilt a lot especially over the normal didn't spend enough quality time with them etc. and the current one that Dad lives in another town and we only get to see him once a fortnight (that's a biggy).  But today I just added to my guilt load big time and its only 1pm.

My current Uni schedule means I have Thursday and Friday off to work from home and at the moment I have three assignments to work on with the first due in a fortnight.  Now I'm not the leave it to the last moment sorta girl, no sirree not me, no I have to start working on it from the moment I can and keep working on it and keep working on it until I can work on it no more.  I mean you gotta work hard for those A's and I like having those A's its been an amazing confidence booster to say the least.

 I know there are people who can sit down the day before its due and knock out a pretty good assignment and some of them even get A's for them (life unfair or what) but its just not me.  If I am down to the wire with an assignment I second guess myself so much its not funny, my doubt meter goes through the roof, and sleep forget about it, it just doesn't happen or if it does its full of nightmares about the assignment...

Yep I'm reading this back and thinking ever heard of relax but hey I have my system and it works for me - at least it did last year and I'm banking on it working this year too.

Any way in case you think I am digressing from my Mummy Guilt you are wrong cause its all tied into it, I was sitting at my computer totally engrossed in my assignment and pretty impressed with what I was knocking out when the phone rang.  Ran for the phone (yes I did run - it does happen) and as I answered it I saw the time on the oven clock 11.36am.  I know that doesn't seem too bad on the surface, so what its 11.36am, normally that wouldn't be so bad, I would just be impressed that I had been working so solidly since 8.50am on my assignment.

See the problem is, is that M's school swimming races that I was meant to be watching, started at 11am and he had the first race.... I had missed it completely.  Part of the event was inviting parents to stay for lunch afterwards so I quickly got changed ran out the door (Yep ran again!!!), drove as fast as the law allowed to the supermarket to where I grabbed his favourite chocolate brownie and a few pieces of Russian fudge that he had been begging and hinting for over a month and drove to school.

Yes I am fully aware that I was arming myself with please forgive me bribes...hands in the air, completely owning up to it. Walking across the field M dashed out of the pool area to run over to meet me, tears in his eyes he stops in front of me and said "you missed my race, and now I'm crying and I don't know why".  GUILT!!!!!!!! I gave him a big hug which helped hide the tears for him and just said how sorry I was, I didn't lie I just told I had lost all track of time and forgotten.  His big sad wet eyes looked up at me, bottom lip quivering and I knew my excuse didn't cut it for him - just wasn't good enough (more guilt) so I quickly jumped in with I'm here to stay for lunch (which I had told him I wouldn't be able to do as well as watching the swim race) and that I had a treat for him.  That helped, although there wasn't a smile he led me to the swimming area and told me where I was to go and sit and he went back to his class area....still loads of guilt.

After ten minutes of watching races, curiosity finally got the better of him and he came over to talk to me and to ask what the treat was but I kept it a secret until lunch time. Needless to say when he saw both the brownie and the fudge he found his smile again, then came the hard decision as to what to eat first :)

So here I am home again, having to blog before I get back on to my assignment as I knew if I didn't unload this Mummy guilt somewhere I would keep stewing on it while I typed and who knows what I would have ended up with LOL and unfortunately although the saying might be - somewhere in the world its wine o'clock - its just a little to early to have a glass......

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